Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
