At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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