Is it because I queefed?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Help. Why am I so naked?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
