He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
