had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
