non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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