i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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