haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
