1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My ass is underappreciated
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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