remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize