I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
me + whiskey = a bad person
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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