i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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