I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize