Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
