not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
