I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
