You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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