I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found the puke drawer
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
