don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
