He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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