Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
