I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
