remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
