Can Purell be used as lube?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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