I'm lost and stupid without you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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