I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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