You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were destined to go to rehab together
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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