I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
