I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
