She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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