my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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