We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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