I wanna bring you to show and tell
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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