I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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