On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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