My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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