so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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