oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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