I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize