just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
