So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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