in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
