i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize