I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
