it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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