ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
