Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
