It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
