STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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