So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
