dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
