Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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