So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I party with great urgency now.
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