i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
