I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
