Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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