I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
