I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Four minutes until I can fart!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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