You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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