I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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