I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i now understand why vodka
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
