ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
