I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
