If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
