she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
me + whiskey = a bad person
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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