You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize